Second brain or perhaps the first brain

My stomach has always been bad. It hurts and swallows and looks like I'm pregnant. I get really worried about it because I have been shitting blood for a while(pardon my language).  I was so tired before I realized I am depressed again. I looked like a ghost. I couldn't do the things that I used to do. It felt not only mental but physical too. And then the bleeding started. I have colonoscopy in the end of the month and I am terrified what is going to be found. In the least bad scenario I just have inner bleeding hemorrhoids. In the worst scenario I have cancer and that is scaring me like a hell. It is suspected that I have colitis ulcerosa which is quite bad too and it expose to cancer. My mother had IBS and later colon cancer where she also died. My other family members have bad stomack too. So there is a lot factors that expose to the worst scenario. Well, I try not to think about it too much.

I have been reading some studies about stomach function and its effect to the brain and everything. I have realized that our intestines is even more important brain than our actual brain. If you have infection in your stomach, you probably have infection in your brain too. In my case it feels like my body is malfunction. It is like my whole body is kind of stuck which is also indication about long term stress.

And so, everything effects to the stomach. What we think, what we feel, what we eat etc. I have noticed that I shouldn't eat dairy products at all, neither grain products either, oat is quite ok. And coffee is bad, not only for my stomach but it also makes anxiety worse and my AD/HD symptoms get worse too. But I love coffee so I am working on it.

I tried FODMAP diet for a while. It helped a bit but not all together. Also my SSRI medication helped to pain and swallowing. Which is quite interesting because most of the serotonin is produced in the intestines. There is studies about SSRI medication helping IBS symptons, so maybe IBS is connected to low serotonin production.

But hey, something positive too. I did morning walk with my dog Nero, I didn't go to sleep after my girls went to school and day care. I'm going to do some work today. Going to the forest trip, seeing people, trying to be me. I probably cry like hell when I see project manager because he was so worried about me. But so what, then I cry. I also try to check open jobs because my work contract ends in November. There is some works about this project next year too but now I need full time job. Hope that somebody wants to hire me.

Sunny day to you!